NST

Back at work in ol’ NST. I am in my own place now too. I moved last weekend after being suddenly ousted by the girls that took me in. That’s fine and I can deal with that. My problem was that things got tense beforehand and I was entirely unaware as to why. Yet,  I now see why I have more guy friends with whom I hang. Holy shit, some bitches be moody. Without another object of reproach, the volatility that I saw Jordan exhibit towards the guys in Penang was turned on me. I can only assume her petty slander did as well. I hate antifeminist stereotypes.

Faced with the pressure of finding a place at such short notice along with fraud on my credit card and motorbike issues I crumbled and questioned my journey. All the synchronicity that I had noticed when I was in Europe had disappeared. I began to wonder if I should leave. No, I corrected myself,  I must stay and complete my journey. I have a tendency to buckle and run immediately when things don’t pan out. I think that comes from sticking it out so long in my religion in the hope that something would change. My patience had taken a backswing. Maybe this is the lesson that I am supposed to learn.

So I took a Thai apartment near the fantastic Full Moon bar. Surat, the mellow, dred-full proprietor told me about this availability. It is far from where the farangs typically live though I have an Italian neighbor and a couple from south Africa. It is down a winding road, past cows and small, lively bars which look like covered picnic areas. My place itself has no flushing toilet nor a proper shower. I fill a trash bin with water and use a bowl to pour water over myself. I dump water into the toilet to flush it as well.

Though the rent is great I hesitated about getting the place. But necessity demanded decisiveness and I committed. It was unfurnished: no bed, no kitchen sink, no fridge, no stove. Aside from the bathroom it was a tiled storage shed. Only one window in the living room allows in natural light, so I keep the front and back doors open (and I’m looking forward to getting my mosquito nets!).

The night I moved in I headed to Full Moon to rest in their hammocks until I was exhausted enough that I might be able to sleep on the tile floors at my place. I was warmly greeted by surat and strangers who now know me as “Jamjuree”. Surat had bestowed me with a Thai nickname taken from the majestic jamjuree tree. I enjoyed my evening talking and smoking with a couple of teachers from Suksa and then chilling with some Thai men who were jamming on the guitar. “This is why I came to Thailand”, I thought to myself, relaxed from the beer, weed, and the atmosphere of Full Moon. There I was listening to music,  sitting next to strangers who called me “sister” and laughed with me in the open space and warm light and perfect air. And I didn’t bail.

It’s been tough to fill this place but I have a fridge, table, small butane burner, cushions in my living room, bed and as of yesterday shelving for my kitchen and a small, canvas wardrobe. A woman observed my communication struggles with the Thai staff at Tesco and offered to help. She carried my shelving and wardrobe home for me in her car and wished me well. I love the way people here are so eager to help.

My neighbors are mellow. I haven’t hung with them much, being busy or worn out, but I feel like I have no more room in NST for enemies. I should try to make more friends. This being said, I worry about upsetting anyone else. It’s tough but all I can do is follow my journey and intuition come what may.

Gonna be broke again this month but that’s actually alright. My time in NST will allow me to get my bike painted and spruce up my place a bit more. I will have opportunities to see the temples and parks in Nakhon. We have so many temples! I really need to get back into fitness and meditation and this time alone will most definitely help with that. And then there are always evenings to be enjoyed at my neighbour’s, Full Moon.    

Other things I love about this place: how I have adjusted without even thinking about it. I need to go to the store? OK,  I just weave through traffic on my motorbike on streets that smell like pork soup or ass. I drive in the lane of oncoming traffic because, here, if you can fit then you’re legal. Maybe I will hit the night market, squeezing past people who are hovering over piles of meat that is swarming with flies or trays of a grey gelatinous substance. I find it funny when I am stared at when I venture into a new area. I got lost in the rain the other day. I was looking intently at my map when I glanced over my shoulder and saw an entire Thai family staring at me in complete silence, unmoving and peering from under their shelter. I am an oddity and I’m always asked from where I come,  welcomed, helped, or just stared at from a distance. They laugh when I don’t speak Thai and they don’t speak English. We try to communicate. They laugh at the things I do. I laugh at myself. You have to be able to do that. I love the peace of being able to get away. The option to check out for a bit. I love my job, helping these kids to grasp a new idea is amazing. Why haven’t I done this before? I high-five them and get excited with them. Even after struggling with math problems for an hour they still don’t hate the sight of me nor I them after losing my voice from straining to hush them through 3 classes.

Nakhon isn’t glamorous. It isn’t a beach resort. It is authentic. It is warm. It is happy. It is dirty. Filthy. It is small. It is quiet. I feel lucky.

I know that in the near future I will have to remind myself that I am lucky. I will get caught in the tunnel vision of office drama. I will get unduly upset at the actions of a 23-year-old girl. I will feel alone and lonely. Then I will need to think of Nakhon. This small city is situated on the other side of the globe from my home. People come and go and buzz like the bees of my home city. If a tsunami hits here then who back home will bat an eye? They’ll be too busy waiting for the next episode of whatever the show is that everyone is watching now. If my school burns down with all the kids inside then will the news even be aired back home? Or will they all just hear about the latest Kardashian party? I know that the universe is big. I’ve seen the images of the sun in the universe and the earth compared to the sun. But no matter how small we are nothing is more important than this life, these lives.

And we are lucky.